Hi, my name is Howard, and I’m an Aveda-holic.
Hi Howard. We’re here for you. Please tell us your story.
It started innocently enough. My friend loaned me some and said I had to try it cause it was awesome. I’ll admit I was scared, but tried it anyway since I didn’t want to look like a pussy. She was right. It was awesome.
I started out as a casual user. You know, a little Shampure here, a little Black Malva there. I wasn’t doing it a lot. I was just supplementing my normal shampoo. Another friend suggested I try the Shampure Conditioner. I took the .5 ounce sample bottle, but never used it. I hid it in the back of the linen closet so my wife wouldn’t see it. She was already a bit suspicious about the other two bottles I had and I didn’t want her to find this one.
About a month went by and I was holding it together. I would use only once or twice a week at most, telling myself that my hair was limp or lifeless and it needed a little pick me up. The wife was out of town one weekend and I don’t know how, but the .5 ounce ended up in the shower with me. Next thing I know, I’m standing in the mirror, dripping wet, marveling at the softness and manageability of my hair. I was hooked. I started using daily and I was a wreck.
My hair never looked so healthy, but I was ashamed someone would find out my secret. When I ran out of the 8 oz’ers, I talked to a friend who was able to get me the liters at a discount. I couldn’t hide the big bottles anywhere so I emptied the conditioner into a new plastic gas can I picked up at Home Depot. I put the shampoo into two automatic transmission fluid bottles I had lying around. The shampoo was almost the same color so I thought I was safe. My wife never noticed that those 8 oz bottles lasted for 6 months.
Growing up, you hear your parents talking about how using one product will lead to using others and I always thought that was a bunch of crap. Listen to your parents, people, for they speak the truth. I branched out. I started looking for more exciting products. I found them, all right. Shaving cream that makes your face as smooth as a baby’s butt. Aftershave that doesn’t sting. Rosemary Mint shampoo and conditioner. Styling Gel that makes your hair soft, but has incredible hold. I was getting out of control. When the boys would come over to play poker, I had to hide my stash in my closet. I wouldn’t let the apartment exterminate since I didn’t want anyone to know what I was using. It was getting out of hand, but I thought I could handle it on my own. I was wrong.
Two days ago, I hit bottom. I crossed the line and almost didn’t make it back. The day started out normal enough. Coffee and a bagel for breakfast, greasy fast food for lunch. It was a day like any other. Then it happened. I noticed some pimples on my forehead. I NEVER break out. Ever. I knew what caused it, though. The cheapass Nivea face wash I bought at Wal-Mart. I knew I shouldn’t have bought it, but I was already spending too much each month maintaining. I figured, sure, it’s cheap, but it’ll do. I did ok until someone I asked if I was going through puberty. I know it was meant as a joke, but it hurt.
Next thing I know, I’m in the mall. I casually walked into the store and inquired about their male skin care products. I was shown a few items and did my best to pretend I wasn’t interested. Then I made a fatal error. I saw that the shaving cream was on sale and immediately grabbed two tubes. The salesperson pounced when she figured out I was a habitual product user. I was as helpless as a newborn. I don’t remember checking out. I don’t remember the walk back to the truck. When I finally found the courage to open the bad, I lost it. I had purchased a sensitive-skin face wash for all skin types, a new medium hold hair gel, and…sniff…and…please don’t make me say it.
It’s ok, Howard, go on. We’ve all been there. Here’s a tissue to wipe away your tears.
(sniff) Does it have aloe in it?
Yes. Yes it does. Now, please continue.
I sat there staring at it, wondering how I could have sunk so low. I mean, of all the things to buy, this is the one purchase that convinced me that I had a problem. It was the one thing I swore I’d never do and there it was, right in front of me.