I’ll let you know as soon as I hear something.

I picked up a trouble ticket yesterday that was called in by our DBA, George. The laptop screen kept going blank and then the machine would lock up on him. I figured it was a good ol’ ID-10-T error. I was wrong.

I had to take it to a local place for repairs since it’s under warranty. I got the laptop from him at 9 am.

10 am. “What did they say?” George, I’ve not taken it yet. Been a bit busy so I’ll take it around lunch.

11 am. “Just checking to see if you’ve taken it yet.” Nope, I’m heading that way after lunch.

2:30 p.m. “Hey, Howard. Just checking to see if you’ve heard anything.” No. I’ll let you know as soon as I hear something. I promise.

4:00 p.m. “Hey, Howard, have you heard anything fr…” Dude. I said I’d call you as soon as I heard something. These people are not speedy. I’ll call them in the morning and let you know.

8:25 a.m. Today. “Hey, Howard, have you heard…” George. It’s 8:25. They don’t open till 9. I’ll call as soon as I get out of staff meeting.

9:15 a.m. Service company calls. “Hey, this is Tom. What exactly is wrong with this laptop? I can’t make it do anything.” Tom, lift it up by the corner and watch the monitor. “Oh. Yeah. There it goes. Thanks!” He hangs up. I am brimming with confidence that they’ll figure it out.

9:30 a.m. (via telephone) George, the service company called. The guy didn’t know what the problem was so I explained it over the phone. He was able to duplicate it. Yes, I explained it to the woman behind the desk and she took notes. Who knows, maybe the guy can’t read. No, I don’t know when it’ll be ready. Yes, I know about the last time it was worked on. You told me already. This is different. Yes, I’ll let you know as soon as I hear something.

11:30 a.m. “Hey, Howard, have you…” George. Come on, dude, you’re killin’ me. I told you, I’ll let you know as soon as I hear something.

2:30 p.m. “Hey, Howard…” GEORGE, GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY OFFICE BEFORE I CHOKE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU! Holy fuck, dude, leave me alone already. I promise, as God is my witness, that I’ll let you know as soon as I hear something. What?!? Say that again, slowly. You mean the only reason you need it so soon is so your wife can play Monopoly on it? You’re shittin’ me, right? You’re not.

George, I’m going to say it one more time, very slowly, so you’ll understand every word. I will let you know…as soon as…I hear something. If you ask me about it one more time, I’m going to tell them you quit and they can keep it as long as possible. Now get out of here before I break my foot off in your ass. Oh. And George? Tell your old lady to go to Toys R-freakin’ Us and buy the board game.

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5 comments on “I’ll let you know as soon as I hear something.

  1. Sarahspace says:

    If you kill him then I can come be your dba.

  2. Howard says:

    Don’t think that hasn’t crossed my mind. 🙂

  3. RP says:

    Monopoly? Not even Bookworm, which is way addictive and a huge time suck?

    How much you want to bet his old lady cut him off until he got her game back to her?

  4. Howard says:

    RP: I prefer not think about him and his old lady like that. It’s too disturbing.

  5. RP says:

    Right. Sorry about that.

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