Naked Gym Guy

Dear Naked Gym Guy,

I’m sure you’re a nice guy. You probably have quite a few friends, and I’m sure the guy at the tattoo parlor loves you. You’re well-spoken and can carry on a conversation even when the person you’re speaking to is trying like crazy to not look at your naked personage.

Sir, if I may be so bold…Please stop talking to me when you’re butt freakin’ naked. Didn’t you see me turn my head when I rounded the corner and saw your pimply posterior staring me in the face? Of course not, you were too busy saying, “Hey man, how’s it going?”. And if you must converse while showing your corpulent backside, please, please, please don’t be wiping it with your towel. That’s just gross.

In closing, I would like to congratulate you on the fortitude you exhibit by coming to the gym on a daily basis. However, Naked Gym Guy, I must deduct a myriad of points for this simple fact; you talk to strangers butt freakin’ naked. If you will not refrain from this act, I will be forced to gouge my eyes out, purchase a seeing-eye dog, and train him bite your testicles off the next time you exhibit them to God and Country.

Please, my man, wrap that package before speaking.