Morning Wood Week 4

Good news, Sports Fans, the Morning Wood is 3-1, coming off an impressive victory over Mojo Rising. It turns out that for this week anyway, they had no mo mojo. At the end of Week 4, we are in a 5-way tie for 3rd. Our next game is against Bang!, who happens to be the leader in this group of 5. Keep your fingers crossed ’cause the bye week for Philly takes away our defense. I had to pick up San Fran, but they ain’t so hot.

In related news, the Wood, as we like to call them, has beaten two out of the three women who play in our league. It is rather refreshing, really, to point out the fact that they have been spanked by my Morning Wood. The combined looks of disgust and disappointment are certainly worth it. Not sure if I’ll be playing the 3rd woman but if so, I’m sure she’ll crumble under the weight of my Wood just like the others.

In closing, I just want to remind everyone that I will be taking my Wood in hand this weekend and hopefully leading them to the promised land.


Vegetation Vandal Re-redux

Well friends, it happened again. The philodendron we’ve been monitoring so closely has nary a leaf left. It’s hanging in there, but does not seem to have the strength to generate new growth.

People around here are starting to get angry. If it happens once, fine, no big deal. When it happens again, though, then that’s going to become a problem. Several lynch mobs were seen roaming the halls this morning, but the perp has not been found. We have no clues, no weapon, no motive, and now, no leaves. The lone survivor has been put into the Witness Protection Program and is said to be living happily as a cactus in Secaucus, New Jersey. Don’t say anything, though, because that’s supposed to be a secret.

If you get a minute, go home and give your plants a nice drink of water and a little Miracle Grow. You never know when it could happen to you.

UPDATE: There is a new plant in his office…and a webcam. You cannot imagine the ideas that are floating around here. Some folks are talking about going in with a Clinton mask on, others are saying we should re-enact The Orient Express and everyone cuts a single leaf, while still others are figuring out ways to rig up GI Joe dolls with the Kung Fu grip and a pocket knife. Production has pretty much come to a screeching halt. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to sew a pair of scissors onto my Janus the Muppet doll. Seems ol’ Janus is going to do a little cuttin’.