I sit here, my stomach churning, because my ex-wife is having some bad days. She helped a friend with a Habitat house on Saturday and couldn’t walk Sunday. I went over and cut the grass for her.
Tonight, she called and asked me to take her to the emergency room. She was pouring boiling water into a measuring cup and poured some of it on her thumb. I stopped by the house and although her thumb was red, it wasn’t all that bad. I told her to ice it and take some Tylenol.
She calls about 30 minutes ago from Wal-Mart. She went to grab a 24-pack of Coke, it slipped out of her hand and fell on the floor. Several cans burst and emptied out on the floor.
She says she’s going to just get in her car and drive and not stop. I know this is not true, but it bothers me nonetheless. I feel crappy that this stuff is happening to her (a few others work-related things happened that I won’t relate), but can do nothing about it. And that bothers me too.
I feel bad that this is happening to her, but I also feel angry. Just a few minutes of preparation could have avoided so much of this crap. If you’re going to paint baseboards, sit on the floor, don’t squat. If you’re going to pour boiling water into a cup, wear an oven mitt. If you burn your thumb, pick up the 24-pack of Coke with both hands. God almighty, J, it’s not freakin’ rocket science!
This is the one thing that made me the most irritated during our marriage. My Dad pounded commen sense into me. And yes, I do mean pounded. If I fucked up because of not using commen sense, I got hit. If I wanted to avoid getting hit, I developed my commen-sense skills. The one thing my ex lacked was this ability, skill, trait, whatever you want to call it. I can’t count the number of times we got into an argument because of it. She is not dumb at all, she just doesn’t think things through then she ends up paying for it in the end.
The hard part, folks, is realizing that this is no longer something I can control. I can’t be there like I was in the past to prevent this stuff from happening and I feel some guilt about it. I guess it’s the way I’m wired. Things like this have always bothered me and I don’t really know how to change. I guess I have to learn to feel sorry for people without taking on their burden and trying to solve it.
I guess it all boils down to this…I feel bad because the ex is going through a rough time, yet I’m angry because I know these situations can be avoided. I just don’t know how to deal with both emotions at the same time.