Something is not right in the Universe. I don’t know what it is exactly, but something just ain’t right. The World just feels weird today.
Reason Number 1: I have a $50 gift card to Best Buy. I went to the store at lunch and bought…nothing. Not. A. Single. Thing. From. Best Buy. Nada. For me to still have an unused $50 gift card after spending close to an hour in Best Buy is wrong. It’s not supposed to happen. It’s like Elvis turning down a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich. Or Ron Jeremy shaving his body. Or Michael Moore giving GWB a video camera for his birthday. It’s just not natural.
Reason Number 2: I think I’ve been dumped by the Internet Girlfriend (IG). I say “think” because I can’t tell if she’s kidding or not…although I have a strong suspicion that she isn’t. And, strangely enough, if it’s true, it actually hurts more than I expected.
So anyway…if you have any ideas as to how I can make the World right again, let me know. Gift suggestions would be appreciated.
I really wish someone would have told me that the Dirty Santa game had nothing to do with items of an adult nature…before I bought the gift.
So, uh, if anyone has a need for a vibrating adult toy of rather large proportions, please let me know. The thing is creeping me out.
I am one of those people who will talk to anyone. Standing in line at Best Buy, getting on a plane, getting off a plane, waiting to get on a plane. You get the idea. I’m not obnoxious about it because I know not everyone is a talker. I don’t badger you to speak to me. Most people, however, will reply, even if it’s to let me know that they do not wish me to speak to them again. If you completely ignore me, however, then that’s something all together different.
After running to get on the plane in Dallas (ice in Dallas delayed my leaving Jackson by two hours) I sat next to a really pretty girl who was busy reading. It took me a few minutes to catch my breath and get my shit together. I said, “I’ll stop fidgeting around in just a minute.” She said nothing. Didn’t even look up. Hmm…
Me: Are you heading home to Denver?
Me: (waits a few more minutes) Boy, I wish we’d take off already.
Me: (Hmm…wonder if she’s deaf?)
Me: Habla español?
Me: Parlez-vous français?
Me: (I don’t see a hearing aid. Must be shy.)
Me: Parlate italiano?
Me: (Wait…she’s reading a book in English. What the hell?)
Me: Sprechen Sie Deutsches?
Me: Você fala o português?
Her: cuts her eyes towards me.
Me: (YES! I’m making progress)
Her: More silence
Me: Hal tatakalam Arabi?
Her: (Slowly turns her head and stares at me)
Me: (Smiles really big)
Her: If you’re going to do this the entire flight, I’m going to change seats.
Me: So you DO speak English. Cool
Giving someone a gift is fun. Giving someone a gift that is a total surprise is really fun. Giving someone a gift that is a total surprise and then watching their expression change to “What in the hell?” is not fun.
Note to self: Your brother does not play in the dirt, therefore buying him a matching Tonka Toy Backhoe to go with the Tonka Toy Crane you bought your nephew is probably not a good idea. Actually, it’s a rather bad idea.
Sorry for disappearing like that…I’m in Colorado visiting the brother, sister-in-law, niece and nephew. I’ll be back in town Monday evening and can fill you in on all the cool stuff I got and the cool things I did.
Funniest thing so far? Having my nephew show me his new wall (his Mom painted it with planets and stars), but stopping me at the threshold to tell me to “please not fart in his room”. You gotta love the honesty of a 4 year old.
I sincerely hope that you, Dear Reader, have an exceptional holiday be it visiting with family or just cramming in as many movies as you can over the weekend and falling asleep on the couch. That one would be my favourite. 🙂
Well, I’m sad to report that ILLC has been let go. My buddy did it Friday and I found out about it when she IM’d me, asking me to remove Yahoo IM from the computer she used to work on. She never came out and said she got canned, so I guess I was supposed to ask. And I didn’t. Cause I already knew.
So, Dear Reader, on the one hand I feel bad that she got canned. I just don’t think she was cut out for the fast-paced life of a paralegal. On the other hand, I don’t have to deal with her anymore. Hmm…I think I like it better that I don’t have to deal with her.
Interesting tidbit, though. When I was working on her computer earlier in the week, I happened to see an email from someone I knew. Turns out we have a mutual acquaintance…who happens to be a swinger. And by swinger, I don’t mean a couple who wears Zoot Suits and Flapper dresses. Maybe I should give her another chance? Um. No.
If you happen to be riding in your friend’s brand-new Mazda, it is in your best interest to put a lid on any drinks you bring with you. This will avoid the embarassment of having to clean the drink off of your friend’s leather seats after he swerves to avoid the 107 year old, half-blind, elderly driver of a 1960’s era Cadillac.
So, um, anybody know of a good way to get Coke off my leather seats? 😦