Strange Days Indeed

Something is not right in the Universe. I don’t know what it is exactly, but something just ain’t right. The World just feels weird today.

Reason Number 1: I have a $50 gift card to Best Buy. I went to the store at lunch and bought…nothing. Not. A. Single. Thing. From. Best Buy. Nada. For me to still have an unused $50 gift card after spending close to an hour in Best Buy is wrong. It’s not supposed to happen. It’s like Elvis turning down a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich. Or Ron Jeremy shaving his body. Or Michael Moore giving GWB a video camera for his birthday. It’s just not natural.

Reason Number 2: I think I’ve been dumped by the Internet Girlfriend (IG). I say “think” because I can’t tell if she’s kidding or not…although I have a strong suspicion that she isn’t. And, strangely enough, if it’s true, it actually hurts more than I expected.

So anyway…if you have any ideas as to how I can make the World right again, let me know. Gift suggestions would be appreciated.

Dirty Santa Game

I really wish someone would have told me that the Dirty Santa game had nothing to do with items of an adult nature…before I bought the gift.

So, uh, if anyone has a need for a vibrating adult toy of rather large proportions, please let me know. The thing is creeping me out.

The Conversationalist

I am one of those people who will talk to anyone. Standing in line at Best Buy, getting on a plane, getting off a plane, waiting to get on a plane. You get the idea. I’m not obnoxious about it because I know not everyone is a talker. I don’t badger you to speak to me. Most people, however, will reply, even if it’s to let me know that they do not wish me to speak to them again. If you completely ignore me, however, then that’s something all together different.

After running to get on the plane in Dallas (ice in Dallas delayed my leaving Jackson by two hours) I sat next to a really pretty girl who was busy reading. It took me a few minutes to catch my breath and get my shit together. I said, “I’ll stop fidgeting around in just a minute.” She said nothing. Didn’t even look up. Hmm…

Me: Are you heading home to Denver?
Her: silence
Me: (waits a few more minutes) Boy, I wish we’d take off already.
Her: silence
Me: (Hmm…wonder if she’s deaf?)
Her: silence
Me: Habla español?
Her: silence
Me: Parlez-vous français?
Her: silence
Me: (I don’t see a hearing aid. Must be shy.)
Me: Parlate italiano?
Her: silence
Me: (Wait…she’s reading a book in English. What the hell?)
Her: silence
Me: Sprechen Sie Deutsches?
Her: silence
Me: Você fala o português?
Her: cuts her eyes towards me.
Me: (YES! I’m making progress)
Her: More silence
Me: Hal tatakalam Arabi?
Her: (Slowly turns her head and stares at me)
Me: (Smiles really big)
Her: If you’re going to do this the entire flight, I’m going to change seats.
Me: So you DO speak English. Cool
Her: Stewardess!

Christmas Gifting

Giving someone a gift is fun. Giving someone a gift that is a total surprise is really fun. Giving someone a gift that is a total surprise and then watching their expression change to “What in the hell?” is not fun.

Note to self: Your brother does not play in the dirt, therefore buying him a matching Tonka Toy Backhoe to go with the Tonka Toy Crane you bought your nephew is probably not a good idea. Actually, it’s a rather bad idea.

Holidays

Sorry for disappearing like that…I’m in Colorado visiting the brother, sister-in-law, niece and nephew. I’ll be back in town Monday evening and can fill you in on all the cool stuff I got and the cool things I did.

Funniest thing so far? Having my nephew show me his new wall (his Mom painted it with planets and stars), but stopping me at the threshold to tell me to “please not fart in his room”. You gotta love the honesty of a 4 year old.

I sincerely hope that you, Dear Reader, have an exceptional holiday be it visiting with family or just cramming in as many movies as you can over the weekend and falling asleep on the couch. That one would be my favourite. 🙂

Sayonara Baby!

Well, I’m sad to report that ILLC has been let go. My buddy did it Friday and I found out about it when she IM’d me, asking me to remove Yahoo IM from the computer she used to work on. She never came out and said she got canned, so I guess I was supposed to ask. And I didn’t. Cause I already knew.

So, Dear Reader, on the one hand I feel bad that she got canned. I just don’t think she was cut out for the fast-paced life of a paralegal. On the other hand, I don’t have to deal with her anymore. Hmm…I think I like it better that I don’t have to deal with her.

Interesting tidbit, though. When I was working on her computer earlier in the week, I happened to see an email from someone I knew. Turns out we have a mutual acquaintance…who happens to be a swinger. And by swinger, I don’t mean a couple who wears Zoot Suits and Flapper dresses. Maybe I should give her another chance? Um. No.

Driving tip

If you happen to be riding in your friend’s brand-new Mazda, it is in your best interest to put a lid on any drinks you bring with you. This will avoid the embarassment of having to clean the drink off of your friend’s leather seats after he swerves to avoid the 107 year old, half-blind, elderly driver of a 1960’s era Cadillac.

So, um, anybody know of a good way to get Coke off my leather seats? 😦

An UberGeek

In case there is any confusion, Dear Reader, about the level of geekness here at 3leggeddog, let me set the record straight. I am an Uber-geek.

In my extended sick time this week, I became bored beyond measure. When I’m sick, I have the attention span of a gnat. TV doesn’t interest me…books are stupid…porn is the same old, same old…you get the point. Well, I realized something, Dear Reader. I realized that my remote control is a learning remote. And is programmable. And has macro capability. I experienced a post orgasm-like shudder when I thought about the possibilities. Sure, I’d done little stuff like program the volume control or the numbers, but now I could create MACROS. *shudder*

After a few hours of trial and error, I had completely reprogrammed my remote. It is now more user-friendly than ever, and I’d finally fixed some things that I did wrong the first time. With this single Marvel of Technology, I now have complete and total control over my TV, stereo receiver, DVD player, and satellite receiver with built-in Tivo. Plus, I have macros.

Macros that, with the push of a single button, will turn on the TV, stereo receiver, and satellite receiver. Another fabulous macro will, once the previous items have been turned on, turn on the DVD player, switch the stereo input to DVD, and, yes Dear Reader, it will eject the tray into which I will place the DVD of choice. When the movie is finished, yet another time-saving macro will eject the DVD tray, wait 5 seconds, then turn off the DVD and return the stereo input to TV. And finally, one last energy-conserving macro to turn everything off when it’s time to crawl into bed after a hard day’s work.

With this technologically-advanced remote and my none-too-shabby, macro-creation skills, I am truly Master of my Domain. And a geek beyond measure.

Blade Trinity

GO SEE BLADE TRINITY!!! NOW! It was AWESOME! I just got back from the theater with a buddy of mine and we were like two little kids talking about it. It is so much better than the second one. You gotta go see it if you haven’t already. Honest, ignore what the critics say about it and go see this movie.

If you like action and comedy, go see Blade Trinity. I’m probably going again this weekend. Yes, I liked it that much. And, uh, Jessica Biel. Raowr.