The Conversationalist

I am one of those people who will talk to anyone. Standing in line at Best Buy, getting on a plane, getting off a plane, waiting to get on a plane. You get the idea. I’m not obnoxious about it because I know not everyone is a talker. I don’t badger you to speak to me. Most people, however, will reply, even if it’s to let me know that they do not wish me to speak to them again. If you completely ignore me, however, then that’s something all together different.

After running to get on the plane in Dallas (ice in Dallas delayed my leaving Jackson by two hours) I sat next to a really pretty girl who was busy reading. It took me a few minutes to catch my breath and get my shit together. I said, “I’ll stop fidgeting around in just a minute.” She said nothing. Didn’t even look up. Hmm…

Me: Are you heading home to Denver?
Her: silence
Me: (waits a few more minutes) Boy, I wish we’d take off already.
Her: silence
Me: (Hmm…wonder if she’s deaf?)
Her: silence
Me: Habla español?
Her: silence
Me: Parlez-vous français?
Her: silence
Me: (I don’t see a hearing aid. Must be shy.)
Me: Parlate italiano?
Her: silence
Me: (Wait…she’s reading a book in English. What the hell?)
Her: silence
Me: Sprechen Sie Deutsches?
Her: silence
Me: Você fala o português?
Her: cuts her eyes towards me.
Me: (YES! I’m making progress)
Her: More silence
Me: Hal tatakalam Arabi?
Her: (Slowly turns her head and stares at me)
Me: (Smiles really big)
Her: If you’re going to do this the entire flight, I’m going to change seats.
Me: So you DO speak English. Cool
Her: Stewardess!

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Christmas Gifting

Giving someone a gift is fun. Giving someone a gift that is a total surprise is really fun. Giving someone a gift that is a total surprise and then watching their expression change to “What in the hell?” is not fun.

Note to self: Your brother does not play in the dirt, therefore buying him a matching Tonka Toy Backhoe to go with the Tonka Toy Crane you bought your nephew is probably not a good idea. Actually, it’s a rather bad idea.