If you could…

I’m watching Ray and one of the bonus features is a jam session (audition) between Ray and Jamie Foxx. I was floored. Can you imagine Jamie, who is a classical pianist, getting to sit down and jam with Ray Charles? I mean, how cool would that be? Jamming with Ray Charles and being able to hold your own. It gave me goose bumps to think about how he must have felt.

It got me to thinking…what would be the same experience for me? What would be that once-in-a-lifetime thing where I could showcase my talents with someone equally as talented? And I came up with nothing. No, really. Not a freakin’ thing. Not sports, not music, not arts, not jack shit. There was nothing I could think of that I considered a true talent. Then it hit me. I knew what it was that I did well. Humor.

The one thing that I do almost without thinking about it is make people laugh. Whether it’s at me or with me, making people laugh is what I do. It’s my thing, my shtick. I love to do it. Sure, sometimes it’s in inappropriate places or situations, but that’s part of the fun. I am a funny guy. Then I knew what my once-in-a-lifetime thing would be. Improv with Robin Williams.

The ultimate thrill would be to make people laugh with him. To be on-stage, making shit up as we went along and seeing if I could hold my own. I would be tickled shitless (a good thing) to perform with him. It’s definitely my once-in-a-lifetime thing.

OK, now it’s your turn. If you had the chance, what would you do and whom would you do it with? Would you write a short story with Stephen King? Ride your bike with Lance? Sing with Aretha? Fish with Bill Dance? What? If I was a magic 3leggeddog and could grant you this wish, what would it be?

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Old age

I used to think that your hearing was the first things to go when you got old, but in my case, it’s much worse. Unlike Elvis Costello, my aim ain’t true.