This is from the 3leggeddog archives. One of the guys brought the dreaded cookies in this morning, so I pulled this one out of the vault:
The Girl Scout cookies arrived today. I bought 3 boxes, one of Thin Mint, one of Peanut Butter sandwich, and one of Fudge-dipped shortbread (pease exuz any tipos…the drool is makin the kebord slipery).
I am in the middle of my 27th annual “It’s Time to Lose Weight” diet marathon, so this is a really bad time for the cookies to appear. I was going to give them away, but the Thin Mints looked so sad when I told them they were going to a better place that I just couldn’t do it. Maybe I can just leave them in the breakroom. The vultures in this department will eat any unattended food as long as it doesn’t smell too bad.
The sad part is that I keep stealing glances at them as I type. Hello, little cookie, how are you today? You seem pretty lonely in that box. Would you like to see how nice and sunny it is outside? You would? Oh, that’s wonderful. Here, let me open the box for you. There now, isn’t that better? What? You can’t see? How about I hold you up to my eye-level so you can look out the window. See the squirrels playing. Aren’t they fun to watch. You’re cold? Oh, I’m sorry. Here, I’ll just hold you in my mouth to keep you nice and warm. Is that better? I’m so happy. You’ll be safe in there. Nothing bad will happen to…CRUNCH!