NOTICE!

ATTENTION ALL COCKROACHES! THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING. IF YOU LEAVE THE PREMISES NOW, I WILL SPARE YOUR MISERABLE LIVES. OTHERWISE, I WILL RAIN HOLY FUCKIN’ TERROR ON YOUR HEADS, THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. FUCKERS.

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MOVING DAY

Well, Dear Reader, tomorrow is the day. I close at 9:00 a.m., get my Dad a key to let the carpet cleaners in, then I’m off to the apartment to start moving into my own home. WAHOO!!

I’m hoping that the guys who said they’d help show up. I went from 3 guys helping to 1 guy helping to 4 guys helping. I’m at 4 and holding. Keep your fingers crossed.

I’m off tomorrow and Monday so I’ll update when I’m done.

Oh, uh, one quick question…so, like, how come no one told me about this IKEA place? I could spend a small fortune in there. Way cool.

stream

Did your heart ever hurt so bad that your hands tingled? Has the back of your head ever felt so tight that you thought the skin was going to split right down the center? I feel that way right now. I sit here and stare at the computer screen…no thoughts at all go through my head. I’m numb. It may be an overreaction, but I don’t know.

Ever since I can remember, I associate arguments with divorce, break ups, or going your own way. I think it’s some subconscious thing from when my parents used to fight. I don’t remember any of the actual arguements, I just remember the feelings they cause. I quit seeing my Dad for several months because the bickering between he and my Stepmom used to make me sick. Deep down, I knew it wasn’t going to lead to anything, but the surface of it would eat a whole in my belly.

Someone I’m close to got hurt and it’s my fault. I never intended for it to happen…it just did…and I don’t know what to do about it. “I’m sorry” seems so fucking lame that I can’t get it out of my mouth. Anything else I think of sticks in my throat. I don’t have the words to express how badly I feel…I can’t begin to explain how much it hurts to know this person feels the way they do. I may be overreacting, but I can’t help it. I feel responsible and no matter what they say, I can’t change the way I feel. I have to deal with it my own way and get past it.

A close friend asked me if I cry. Being a man, you want to say, “Fuck no, crying is for pussies.” I told the truth…I said yes…and that’s how I feel right now.

I’m going to drive. It’s how I deal with it…I drive till I feel better. I think it’s going to be a long drive.

Insane

I just had to initial 5 reports…that were blank. No data on them at all. Just headers showing me where data would be…if they weren’t blank.

Do you hear me, people? I just had to initial 5 blank reports to signify that they were indeed blank. It was required that I initial them to certify their blankness.

Idiots.

A Metaphor

So I’m going to be a homeowner. Sure, I’ve owned two others, but this is different. This one is mine and mine alone. If it breaks, I gotta fix it. Can’t call the landlord or get the wife to wait on the cable guy. It’s all me…And I’m getting a bit freaked out.

Am I really ready for all this responsibility? Am I ready to devote my life to something over which I don’t have complete and total control? Am I ready to sign over my life savings (and future earnings) on a single house? What happens if a nicer, better house comes along? Do I just drop the one I have and get that one? So many questions…

You know what, though? I’m ready. Deep down I know that this is the right thing for me to do, even though it’s pretty scary. You read about the problems people have with their houses and you think, “That’ll never happen to me”, but sometimes it does. And if it does, you deal with it. It’s not something you lie awake at night worrying about. You just gotta make sure that you and the house are on the same page. It knows what you expect and you know what it expects in return.

There will always be a bigger, better house just around the corner. What I’ve discovered, though, is that bigger and better are not always a good thing. Bigger houses mean more potential problems, more costs if something goes wrong, and more maintenance…and more dust. This house is the right size, it’s manageable, and I can make it into something I’ll enjoy with little effort.

I’m sure everyone gets cold feet when it comes to buying a house. It’s a normal thing and sometimes, even though you don’t want to admit it, it just happens. The thing I have to remember is that I didn’t buy the first house I looked at. I looked at many, weighed the pros and cons of each, waffled, wavered, hemmed, hawed, decided and then undecided that THIS was the house for me. In the end, though, I knew it when I saw it. It felt like home the moment I walked in. Sure, there are some things that need to be changed, updated, or redone, but hell, there’s no such thing as a perfect home. And there never will be. This is the home for me.

A homeowner

Well, Dear Reader, barring any unforseen problems, I will be a homeowner after 9:00 a.m. Friday, July 29th. The home inspection had some minor problems. The owner will repair the structural items and I will repair the minor items (installation of GFI outlets, replacing a breaker, and fixing the doorbell).

The only glitch in this whole endeavour (so far) was with my former mortgage company. The reason I say former is because of their last minute “the rates have changed so we’re going to charge you a 1% origination fee”. My response? “See ya!” Called someone I used before, got the same interest rate with no points and no origination. They’re moving forward and I just need to provide them some paperwork.

So…if you’re in the area around the 29th, let me know. I could use some able-bodied friends to help me. I provide the beer or beverage of choice, you provide the labor. And I won’t even charge you an origination fee.