The Bee Man

So how come none of you told me that yellow jackets love holly bushes?

I took a half a day Friday because I was sick of this place…and I have plenty of vacation time. First thing I did was assemble the newest member of the family. Say hello to my new child, Weber. He’s such a nice boy.

The instructions say you can put it together in 30 minutes…15 if you’re a pro. I must be mentally challenged because it took me an hour and a half. (I would have said “I must be a retard”, but of course, that’s not politically correct and I don’t want to get sued.)

Anyway, when I was done with that, I decided I’d cut the grass…er…weeds. The lawn mower started on the first pull and off we go. Finished the front and side yards and then started the small section to the left of the driveway by the big holly bush. I walked right up to it, shoved the mover underneath to get the grass…er…weeds, and that’s when I noticed the bee. Which quickly became two bees. Which then quickly became about 30 or 40 bees. Yeah. Ick.

I read somewhere a long time ago that if you get around bees, you should stand still. I don’t remember if it said why you should do that, but it sounded like good advice so that’s what I’ve always done. I killed the mower, stood still as a stone, and tried not to scream like a girl. Dude…I hate bees.

That must have been the longest minute or two of my life…well, that is if you don’t count the first time I had sex. The bees decided that a sweaty former Jew didn’t taste nearly as good as the flowers so they left me alone. Yeah, I know y’all were waiting for me to get the crap stung out of me, but my Bub didn’t raise no fool. Apparently standing still works.

Anybody need two dead holly bushes? Take that bees!

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