Not quite a Memorial weekend

In case you’re wondering, the weekend consisted of lawn mowin’, weed whackin’, weed killin’ (if you can’t whack ’em, kill ’em!), and chainsawin’. Wahoo! The chainsaw hasn’t been cranked in over 5 years and it started on the 2nd pull.

Other than that, the weekend was kinda dull, which is becoming par for the course. 🙂 Hope y’all had fun.

In other news, the 3-leggers and I will be spending most of June together. The ex has three trips planned, one of which is to meet her boyfriend’s parents. And you know what? I think that’s really cool for her. I know the people that introduced them so I know he’s probably a good guy and if he can make her happy, then the best of luck to them. But there’s no way in hell that the dogs are going to call him “Dad”. That shit ain’t happenin’. 🙂

Changes in attitude

It’s one of those days today.

I have the opportunity to play in another golf tournament, but can’t find anyone who wants to play.

I honestly don’t give a shit if your computer is making a noise. They do that.

Can you please be a bit more specific when you say “Outlook bombs off when trying to open it”? What the f* does “bombs off” mean?

Email to Mom: Did you check on getting another prepaid cell phone?
Email from Mom: no
Um…ok then. Don’t put yourself out on my account.

Voicemail from Dad: Hey, it’s me. Call me when you have a second, I have a computer question.
Response inside my head: Of course you do, why else would you be calling?

I need a new job. This place sucks.

Today is one of those days that I need to be outside, driving really fast with the windows down and the sunroof open, listening to some loud music and singing my head off. That ain’t happening any time soon, though.

Yeah, it’s minor stuff, but it’s still irritating.

A Golfer’s attitude

Monday, May 17, 2006: Golf is the greatest game ever! I can’t wait to play again! Let’s play 18 more NOW!

Wednesday, May 19, 2006: Sunday?!? Hell yeah, I’ll play! When, where, and with whom? Oh man, this is going to be awesome! I can’t wait.

Sunday, May 21, 2006: Golf is the worst fucking game ever! I’m never playing this shit again! You know anyone who wants to by my clubs?

Monday, May 22, 2006: You know, I hit them pretty well for the most part. My ball position was good, but I kept trying to accelerate through the ball. I don’t have quite enough control at the moment to do that. Yeah, I guess I’ll play Thursday.

Cell Phone Don’ts

I’m sure many of us know that person who lacks cell phone skills and etiquette. I thought this might be a good place to share some don’ts with those around you who are challenged. I’ll start:

If you’re getting a sandwich for your friend, please don’t read them the menu while standing in line…with 8 people behind you who already know what they want.

Your turn.

Open Mouth, Insert Leg

It is a well known fact that I hired the woman that many people do not like in my office. The reason this fact is so well known is because a) everyone reminds me of this at least once a day and 2) I apologize for doing it at least once a day. In my defense…well, shit…I have no defense. I did it…there, are you happy?

Anyway, I was in a friend’s office discussing an issue I had with one of our more troublesome VPs. He’s one of those, “You know, this isn’t working right and it’s never worked right” kinda guys. Invariably, he is usually not doing something right, which causes the computer to ‘not work right’. That was the case today. He couldn’t connect to our internal network via VPN so there must be something wrong with his new laptop. Guess what? He’d used the wrong password 3 times in a row and locked his account. The laptop? Working as designed. Douche bag.

Sorry…drifted there for a minute…So, as I was leaving my buddy’s office I said, “Well, at least I didn’t hire him.” And walked right into the woman I did hire. Yep, almost knocked her over, the laughter echoing from my buddy’s office.

Needless to say, I did get a kick out of it…and will be lying low the next few days. If I mysteriously disappear, please share this with the local authorities.

Too Cool for School

Dude, look. I know you’re desperately trying to appear as one of the “cool” people in the office and I can appreciate that. Many of us want to be thought of as one of the cool kids, but let’s face it, some of us (me included) are just not part of that group. Sure, we try hard, but it’s one of those things that’s just outside of our reach.

I do, however, applaud your continued attempts. If I may make two suggestions? First, the Bluetooth headset. Let it go, son. It does nothing but intensify your inherent dorkiness. Trust me. I have it on good authority that a recruiter from Dorks R Us is begging to talk to you after seeing the picture of you with the Bozo the Clown haircut and the headset. Lose it and lose it now. Second? This is the big one so pay close attention. I implore you to follow my advice. OK. Here goes:

If you insist on wearing the headset, that’s cool. But please do not combine that with wearing your iPod headphones. While taking a leak.

It’s automatically catapaulted you to the head of the line at Geekworld; do not pass GO, do not collect your 200 Galactic Credits.