The ex got engaged this weekend. That, Dear Reader, is a strange sentence to write. Not strange in a “HOLY CRAP WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!!” kinda way, but in a “I’m happy that her life is moving forward” kinda way.
I’m genuinely happy for her. He seems like a great guy and obviously cares for her very much. And he can deal with her shithead sister, which is something I could never do.
At one point in the conversation she told me they’re also going to try and have a baby. Again, I’m happy for them. There were a lot of reasons why I didn’t want to have a child and many of them still apply…but there are times when those reasons seem petty and stupid. Although I am glad we didn’t have a child because of the divorce.
I also feel weird about this whole thing. There are no feelings of regret for getting divorced because I know it was the right thing to do. I’m not upset at all that she’s getting remarried or wanting a child. But there’s an emptiness of sorts inside me now. It’s hard to explain.
I’m not sad, Dear Reader…that much I do know. It’s just…envy maybe? Maybe it’s because she’s found someone to love and to love her in return. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t have to face life alone. Maybe it’s because her life is moving forward.
I don’t know quite how to explain it, Dear Reader. I can’t quite put my finger on how I feel. But empty seems to be a good starting place.
Gotta find my car keys. Fuck the price of gas…