A Black Widow spider

I just killed a Black Widow Spider of Death on my back porch. ICK!! F*CK!! I HATE SPIDERS!!

It was hanging in the corner by the back door. I ran in the house hollerin’ “Puppies!! It’s a friggin’ Black Widow Death Spider on the porch!! MOVE! MOVE! MOVE! I yanked the kitchen cabinet open, grabbed some industrial strength bug killer and ran back outside, still hollerin’ “A BLACK WIDOW DEATH SPIDER!!”

I drenched that bitch in a fog of bug death…but nothing happened. She just hung there. Most bugs start to twitch violently when drenched in bug death, but not the Death Spider. She just hung there, lookin’ at me. I could sense her 8 gajillion bug eyes sizing me up. While her brain of death was gauging the distance to leap and sink her venemous spider fangs into my jugular, I spurted her some more hollerin’ “Take that Death Spider!”

She hung on, fighting the effects of the fog of bug death, but the fog was stronger. I stood there..and by “there” I mean 10 feet away…and watched her start to shrivel. “HA! HA!,” I yelled, “DIE DEATH SPIDER! You won’t get to sink your fangs into this jugular!” Slowly she unraveled more web, sliding down the wall, the poison working its way through her icky, black body of Death.

In the end, the Fog O’ Death was too much for the Black Widow Death Spider. As I poked her with a really long stick I’d found in the yard, she didn’t move. Was she truly dead or just playin’ possum, hoping I’d come closer so she could leap up and latch onto my neck. “No victims today, Death Spider,” I said as I squished her with my stick. “You’ve punctured your last jugular”.

The farting dog book

I’ve been volunteered to read to a kindergarten class. One of the kids in there is the granddaughter of a co-worker. I resisted on the outside, while on the inside I was pretty thrilled to be asked.

The best part? I may get to read a book about a farting dog. And as we all know, the only thing I’m really, really good at is…

Continue reading

I’m rich, biyotch!

In yesterday’s mail:

1) Pre-approved for a new credit card with a $20,000 minimum line of credit.
2) Pre-approved for an equity line of credit for $65,350.
3) Pre-approved for a $50,000 car loan.

WAHOO!!

Unfortunately, the 3leggers read them…then ate them. The dirty bastards won’t be getting treats for a week.

MS150 (sticky post)

Way back on January 16th, I listed my goals for the year. Some I’ve met, some I’ve not met, some haven’t even been attempted. The one goal I never thought I’d do is sign up for the MS150. Well…I signed up today. I am now an officially registered rider for the Paul Moak Volvo MS Bike Tour.

I started training on Saturday by riding 35 miles. Rode a personal best 42 miles on Monday. The guy that I ride with is going to ride it as well…he has to…his wife if the event coordinator. 🙂

My fundraising goal is now $200 $500 since I hit the $200 mark on Friday. You people ROCK!

If you’d like to donate, please go here. This is my personal web page where I’ll update my training, my fund raising, and the number of times I’ve thrown up while riding.

If you’d like to donate, please click on the link above. Any help would be appreciated. I’ll keep you up-to-date on the blog and via the MS site.

Wish me luck…my buns and I are going to need it.

UPDATE: My company has agreed to match me dollar for dollar up to $100.

150 miles!!

I did it…150.02 miles, 10 hours 37 minutes total time on my bike. And I even got a medal.

I’ll write more later…especially about the entire day today seeming like one long climb. It felt like we climbed 8,000 ft. I half expected a white-furred Yeti handing out Gatorade at the next rest stop.

I’m going to nap…probably until morning. 🙂

PS – As of yesterday, y’all have donated $635. That is kick ass!

Ride Update

77.9 miles, 5 hours 12 minutes, 14.5 mph average. I’m doing good…just finished with my massage…getting ready to eat. Now all I have to do is ride 75 miles back home. 🙂

The Ride

First, thanks to all of you that donated. I raised over $600 for MS, which is 3 times the amount I set out to raise. You guys rock!

Tomorrow is the day. 150 miles…77 the first day, 73 the second day. I’m nervous, I’ll admit it. I’ve been riding several times a week, but I’m still nervous. Maybe nervous isn’t the right word…I just want to do well and not be one of the last riders in. That would suck.

As of last count, there were close to 200 riders. I think I can sneak in behind some of them and draft the whole way. Hey, if Lance can sit in the pack the whole day, then why can’t I?

I’ll let you know how it goes, Dear Reader.