Medical Question

If you have athlete’s foot, does that mean you’re an athlete…and did you know that jock-itch spray will also cure athlete’s foot? No, I don’t have ‘the itch’, but I did have some tough-actin’ Tinactin* in the medicine cabinet so I thought I’d spray it on my foot. Turns out it’s good for both.

*Note: Most guys have a can of this stuff somewhere in their house…it’s the equivalent of women carrying an emergency feminine hygiene product of choice.

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So, where you from?

When someone asks you, “Where are you from?”, what’s your answer? Do you tell them where you were born, or where you grew up, or where you lived previously?

I never know how to answer that question. For some people it’s easy because they’ve lived in the same state or even the same town for all their lives. For others, like me, it’s a little more difficult, I think. I was born in Texas, but lived in 5 other states before moving to Mississippi. Before moving here, the longest I’d lived in one place was 9 years. Does that make me “from there”? Hell, I’ve been here 23 years, which is more than half my life…shouldn’t that make me “from here”?

So…Where you from?

Uh…That’s not good.

A conversation I had today with my boss:

Me: Uh. You want the good news or the bad news?

Boss: How about the good news?

Me (holding up a cable): I was able to find a replacement cable.

A Dog and a Frog

Trey got a bath Monday night. It was the first time I’d ever bathed a dog and the first time Trey’s ever been bathed…that I remember. Why did Trey get a bath? Because Trey rolled in dead frog all day and then laid out in the sun to let it bake into his fur.

I don’t know if you’ve ever smelled a dog covered in dead frog, but it smelled like someone took a mixture of fish guts, raw sewage, and old garbage, pureed it, then set it out in the sun for a month…before kindly pouring it all over your dog.

Anyway…Ran to Wal-Mart, dropped $7.00 on a bottle of dog shampoo (it was the only one that wouldn’t make him smell like a cheap whore), ran home, grabbed some old towels and the hose, and hit the backyard. Fortunately, he had NO idea what was about to happen.

When I turned the hose on him (it was 80 degrees outside) he freaked out and started jumping and bucking, but I had a good hold on his collar. When he bumped into the fence he just stopped and stood there. It’s like his brain said, “HEY! WAIT! WE LIKE WATER!” and then put all 3 legs in Park. From that point on, he was fine.

Just so you know, a soaking wet 3leggeddog looks kinda pitiful, but he did really well. He stood still as a post the whole time I soaked him down and lathered him up. He tried to shake one time while I held him, but I told him “NO” and he never tried it again.

When I finished drying him off, I did the sniff test, and he passed with flying colors. He had a nice, clean doggie smell again. The good news, for me, is that he didn’t get anything on the carpet. The bad news, for him, is that I now have a $7.00 bottle of dog shampoo that I’ll need to use up.

Oh…one more thing. Fancy? Not a drop of stink on her. Guess Trey wouldn’t share.