A rough start

It’s been a rough two weeks at my new job.  I went from a windows environment that I’ve been familiar with for 11 years to a Linux system that I know nothing about.  Even getting my laptop up and running has been a giant frustration and it’s causing me to think I’ve made a mistake.  Yeah, I know it’s only been two weeks, but I miss the people I worked with, the fact that I knew the environment cold, and the fact that I knew who to talk to if I had questions.

The worst part is I’ve been giving myself anxiety attacks because I keep envisioning all the things that could go wrong or thinking of all the stuff I don’t know.  The only person putting pressure on me is me…and instead of thinking about how I can solve my current problems, I keep coming up with scenarios to go back.  I know it’s the familiarity and comfort I feel there that’s making me want to return, but I can’t help it.  This shit is all I think about these days.  Even went to the doc yesterday for some anxiety medication.

Last night, I had weird dreams about folders that contained no data and I think the night before I dreamed that back ups weren’t working.  I’m in charge of the backup system, which I did at my old job for a while, but this environment is huge.  And it’s apparently assed up pretty badly.  The former admin left and one of the guys who took over for him has been helping me, but even as I type this, the thought of the tasks before me are giving me that feeling in my stomach that means, “STRESS!”.

Honestly, Dear Reader, I’m just fucking lost and don’t know how to get un-lost.  I think I’ve been kidding myself that I could handle this change because I honestly don’t know if I can…and that causes even more anxiety.  Friends have been telling me “relax, it’s only been two weeks”, “you’ll get it, hang in there”, “you’ve just gotten your confidence shaken”, but that doesn’t make me feel any better.  This is one of those situations where I just want to hide under the covers and have it all go away.

The bottom line, Dear Reader, is I don’t know what to do and I’m just freaked out about the whole thing.  The company I now work for does a lot of advertising and whenever I see the ads, I get panicked.  I know I’m letting this shit run my life, but again, I don’t know what else to do.  Hell, I’ve even thought of calling my old Senior VP and asking for my job back.

I’m hoping the anti-anxiety meds take the edge off for a few day so I can concentrate on the job and get it going, but if they don’t, I’m stuck…and I don’t know what to do about it.