Internet dating

I learned something this week that I knew, but never really thought much about…apparently guys suck.  A lot of you who’ve read my blog for a while…heh, who am I kidding, there’s probably no one here but me…anyway…what I was going to say was those of you who read this know I’ve been on internet dating sites for a while, some say too long.  The reason I’m on there is because I’m actually shy…no, really, I am.  In a one-on-one situation, I tend to suck, but give me a microphone and I can stand up in front of 300+ people and do quite well.  Sorry, I’m drifting.  What I’m trying to get to is I’ve discovered that the guys on dating sites, especially, seem to have the following ideas; 1) sending dick pics is cool and expected, 2) if a woman meets you for a drink, she automatically wants to hop on your face, 3) all women on Match are there just to get laid, and 4) well…I don’t really have a 4, but after the first 3, I think you get my point.

My good friend Red sent me a couple of posts from a friend of hers and both had to do with internet dating.  On both occasions the end of the date required her to perform for the guy, either by making out with him or going down on him.  Required might be too strong a word…maybe ‘expected’ is better, but you get the point.  When neither of these happened, it was her fault.  The reason this irritates me is that now the next guy she meets will have to work twice as hard to prove that he’s really a nice guy…provided, of course, that he is and isn’t just looking to play stink finger.

Why does this bother me, you ask?  Well…two reasons…1) I was sort of like those guys in the beginning and 2) I’m now the guy that has to overcome those guys.  I’ll explain.  When I first started this, I was the touchy-feely first date guy.  I didn’t know I was this guy, never had any intention of being this guy, it just happened.  Thinking back on it, I wouldn’t have gone out with me a second time either.  I never did anything inappropriate, but I was way, WAY overboard on the feely part and I’m sure it made people uncomfortable.

I think part of the reason this guy surfaced in me is because of the inherent nature of internet dating.  With email, IM, text messaging, cell phones, we learn a whole lot more in such a short amount of time that we assume we know the person on the other end when, in fact, we don’t really know a lot.  This presumed familiarity, though, is just that.  Think about it…if you’re in a crabby mood, you read texts and IM’s in that same mood.  Good mood?  Read them in a good mood.  And if you happen to be horny…well, all bets are off then.  The point I’m trying to make…and using way too many words to make it…is that even after all this communication, you still don’t know the person you’re talking with and to presume that you do is foolish.  Again, I’m saying this from personal experience and your mileage may vary.

Now having said all that, I’ll say this.  I’m now the guy who has to overcome those other guys…or will be that guy, should a date magically appear.  It’s not that big a deal because I like being this guy a whole lot more.  I’m conscious of the feelings I’ve had in the past and can actively control them.  Geez…reading this makes me sound like I’m a serial killer trying to repress the dog voice that keeps telling me to kill (bonus points if you know the reference).

Funny thing is, Dear Reader, I’m still not sure I want to date someone should the opportunity present itself.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to chop things down with my chainsaw…<insert Dr Evil laugh here>.

It’s been a while

Took me a minute to log in because I forgot the damn password.  That’s how long it’s been since I’ve been on here.  As I told a good friend, posts are still writing themselves in my head, I just never get them on here.  Turns out twitter is quicker, although it doesn’t always express everything I feel.  Plus, I’ve kinda missed writing.

Funny thing happened recently…my confidence came back.  Don’t know where it went or why it left, but it was sure as shit gone.  I think that’s why I had so much trouble the first few months at the new job.  Not only was I afraid to make a mistake, but I also didn’t trust my instincts…and instinct is what made me good at what I did.  A lot if times I didn’t really know what the problem was, but my instincts led me in a certain direction.  A lot of times it was wrong, but for the most part, it was usually dead on.  I think the assclown that I worked for at my old job is a big part of it.  It got to the point where it didn’t matter how or what we did, it was wrong.  And the sad fact is that is wasn’t wrong, he just wasn’t smart enough to see beyond his own paranoia.  All managers in IT, and I mean A L L, know something is going to die, it’s the nature of the environment.  And the good ones know how to handle it…and he wasn’t and still isn’t one of the good ones.

I knew the confidence had come back when shite would hit the fan and I didn’t panic.  At first I thought it was the meds, but then I realized that I now had answers to the problems, where in the past months, all I had was a blank whiteboard in my head.  What I mean is that I have to be able to visualize in my head what you’re talking about.  If I can’t, then I’m lost.  I distinctly remember a meeting at work when this occurred to me…we were talking about alternatives and I remember picturing nothing but white space in my head, because I couldn’t visualize the environment…and if couldn’t visualize it, I couldn’t talk about it.  That moment was an epiphany of sorts.  It made me understand that until I learned the environment, I wasn’t going to be able to do what they were paying me to do.  Long story short, the last time something died, I had a whiteboard full of stuff in my head for reference and I was able to sort it out.

The good news is that I’m not freaked every time something breaks and if it does, I have a handle on how to fix it.  The bad news is that stuff is still breaking. 🙂