The Crying Frat Boy

If you happened to watch the LSU/Alabama game until the end, you might have seen what has become known as “The Crying Frat Boy”.  If you didn’t get a chance to see this, I’ve posted the picture below:

As you can see, the young man is clearly distraught because his team is about to lose.  His girlfriend appears to be consoling him…or berating him…or wondering when the baseball game will be over.  I understand where he’s coming from and could even sympathize with him a little, but since my team won I get to gloat and post stuff like this.

A friend posted this pic on Facebook and commented that she’d love to have heard their conversation.  Now I’ll be the first to admit, Dear Reader, that I do not consider myself a writer and never have, but every once in a while I get an idea of what it must feel like to be one.  Why?  Well, about 2 seconds after reading that she wanted to hear their conversation, I knew what the frat boy sounded like, I knew what his girlfriend sounded like, and I pretty much knew the ending…all I had to do at that point was listen for the rest…

Baby, the games’ pretty much over, maybe we should go now to avoid…wait…are you crying? 

<sniff> Doh, I’b dot cryig.

Holy shit…you are, you’re really crying.  Why are you crying, it’s just a stupid game!

SHUD UB!  Id’z nod jus a stoopid game!  This wud our shod ad duh Nadinal Chabioshib gabe!  I hobe our kigger dies!!   FUGGU KIGGER!!  YOU PEAS UV SHID!!

Baby, seriously, calm down.  It’s only one loss.  The kicker missed some field goals that were over 50 yds.  He’s not even come close to that all year and you expect him to do it now?

YED!  Id’s why he geds paid.  He geds paid to gik da ball…ad he gan’t…<sniff>…uuuuuhhhhhhhh…..DIZ SUGGS!

Ohshitohshitohshit, we were just on TV.  Baby, you were just seen by millions of people crying on TV.  This is not going to be….RING….Hello?  Oh.  Hi Daddy.  Yeah, that was him.  What?  I can’t hear…oh.  Yes sir, he was crying.

I’B DOT CRYIG DABBIT!!  QUID SAYIG I’B CRYIG!!

Daddy, what did you just say??!?  You want to know about my pus…Ooooooh!  You want to know why he’s being such a pussy??  Thought he was going to the National Championship, I guess.

We were goig udtil dat azzhole duh kigger fugged id all up.  FUG YOU KIGGERRRRR!!

I’ll be ok Daddy, I promise.  I was going to break up with him anyway because of his, uh….his problem.

BY PROBLEB?  YOU DOLD YOUR DAD ABOUD BY PROBLEB?  ID WUZ DA ALGOHOL!! I HAB DO Buch algohooooollll….<wails hysterically>

Love you to, Daddy.  Bye.

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One comment on “The Crying Frat Boy

  1. Kelli says:

    *sigh* Dork

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