Day 19

Met with a trainer last Thursday and was sore until Monday morning. Worked legs (squats), some arms, and some cardio. This was supposed to be an evaluation and it told me what I already knew…I’m seriously out of shape.

Today I met the trainer that’s been assigned to me. His name is Mike. He’s positive, upbeat, and a motivator. These are the 3 qualities I hate in someone who is already in shape. He had me do more squats but this time he gave me a 10 pound weight to hold. My question to you, Dear Reader, is this: I’m out of shape at 230 pounds. Why the frik would you give me another 10 lbs to squat?? He also had me do walking lunges with a 10 pound weight in each hand (again, WTF?). And then we did even more leg work. Did I mention we did a lot of leg work?

Now I have a confession to make Dear Reader. I, uh, am typing this while on the toilet at work. I tell you this so you’ll know where to send the search party when I don’t show up at home tonight or at my desk in the morning. Did I mention the leg work??

Day 5

Days 2 through 4 kinda sucked. I did well with the food part, but got sick and didn’t work out and had to reschedule with the trainer. Um…oh yeah…forgot about the Blizzard I had Saturday night.  Other than that, I did well.  I need to start tracking it better and there’s an app for that.

Rescheduled with the trainer for next week since I should be over my cold/sinus crap by then.  Boring update, I know…it’ll get better.

Day 1

I’ve officially given up soft drinks and will stick with unsweet tea and water…and coffee…with sugar. Sorry, but I don’t like it black and hate artificial sweeteners of any kind.  And yes, I’ve tried enough of them to know. For some reason, I can taste them, even if they’re cooked into the food. If I can’t taste it right away, an hour later my tongue tastes like someone took a dum…uh…let’s just say they leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Was supposed to meet the trainer today but he had to reschedule until tomorrow. I kept coming up with reasons to cancel but I never went through with them and as soon as he said he had to reschedule I asked for tomorrow after work. Ended up coming home, checked in with the homies on Facebook, then cooked dinner. I’m going to follow the Paleo stuff as closely as possible so dinner tonight was sliced flank steak stir-fried with mushrooms, carrots, bok-choy, water chestnuts, baby corn, and broccoli. Made enough to have it tomorrow when I get home from the gym. Dessert was a plum.

Tomorrow I begin taking the stairs at work.  It’s only two flights, but it’s better than nothing.

Now it’s off to bed…well, reading and then bed.  Y’all be cool.

Numbers don’t lie

So, it’s been a while and I have some interesting news.  My company had a health screening last week so I went and guess what?  I have enough triglycerides for 4 people.  Nice, huh?  Funny thing is I’m not surprised.  The rest of my numbers weren’t great so it appears that I’ve gotten what I wanted…a wake up call.

Usually, stuff like this doesn’t bother me, but this time it does.  I guess I finally realized that unless I do something about it, my health is not going to magically get better.  If you’ve read this thing for any length of time, you’ll know this is my standard line…time to do something about it.  The difference is I’ve not been scared before, but I am now.  To say I was floored when I saw the number is an understatement. I was shocked….literally shocked, to quote Joe Biden.  Long time readers will also know that I’ve done enough reading on weight loss and working out that I could probably write my own book.  And they’ll also know that my “give a shitter” is in a perpetual state of not giving a shit.  Well…apparently fear is a great motivator.

I used to believe in coincidences, but not any more.  I believe things happen for a reason.  Last week, I got shitty numbers and today I got a call from a trainer at the gym I belong to…well “belong” may not be the right word. “Belong” would indicate that I actually go to where I pay money…in this case, I just pay the money.  So anyway, I get a call and it turns out to be a new trainer at the gym who actually said, “Yeah, since I’m the new guy, I get stuck with a lot of calls like this”…it made me laugh. Most trainers I’ve dealt with couldn’t give a shit because I didn’t have a rack. Well, I had moobs, but they don’t really count.  When I told Matt that I’d have to work out for 6 months just to get back to “out of shape” he laughed.  I’m going to see him tomorrow at 5:30pm. As I said, I don’t believe in coincidence.

I don’t really know what’s going to happen but I’ve got to get my head wrapped around the fact that I’m way too fat, way too out of shape, and if I don’t do something soon, I could be way too out of life.  And I’ll tell you one other thing that got me to thinking. When I was in Colorado my brother put his arm around me and said, “I’m worried about you. We’re getting to that age where…” and he stopped.  Funny thing is, he didn’t have to say anything else.  I knew it was his way of saying “I don’t want you to die” and that by itself should give me all the motivation I need.

The goal weight for me is 190. I’m currently 240.  If I’ve done the math right, I’ve got to drop 50 pounds. FIFTY POUNDS. Shit.

So…stay tuned Dear Reader. As many of you might remember, I’m most funny when I’m crabby, and nothing makes me crabby like working out and losing weight.

Not good

A friend/trainer sent me a beginner crossfit workout last week and I finally got around to trying it just a few minutes ago.  The workout was 5 different exercises within a 20 minute workout time.  I made it 5 minutes.  Yep, 5 minutes.  After 25 squats, 15 situps, and 10 pushups, I was done.  Wonder how long I would have lasted if I hadn’t already lost 13 lbs?  Am I pissed off?  You have no idea how pissed off I am.  Problem is, being pissed off is not normally a motivator for me. Well, it is in some cases, but exercise isn’t one of them.

Not sure what I’m gonna do. I really wanna quit and say fuck it, but I can’t. Not quitting anymore just because it doesn’t turn out like I want.  Heh…only taken me 45 years to develop that attitude.  Think I’m going to have to find something besides crossfit for the time being. I need to be able to complete a workout if I want to keep going. I guess I can look at it like 25 squats, 15 situps, and 10 pushups is the most I’ve done in over a year.  At least I got off my ass and did something…but it sure doesn’t feel like anything.

Got a new scale yesterday.

You did?  What did it say?

GET!  OFF!!

Well, Dear Reader, it’s that time of year when all good people make resolutions about weight-loss and working out and getting into shape and yours truly is one of them.  For me, it’s one of those “got to” things…blood work came back about two weeks ago and I have enough triglycerides for 3 people.  It was so high the Doc said they couldn’t measure the LDL (bad cholesterol).  He’s giving me 3 months to get it down or I have to go on cholesterol meds.  Already on blood pressure meds and I HATE taking medicine.    The other reason is that I’ve finally gotten sick of being fat.  When tying your shoes becomes uncomfortable, it’s time to do something about it.  When I was in Colorado, I got winded going up 16 stairs…SIXTEEN STAIRS.  That is just pathetic.

The thing that makes me mad is that 4 years ago I was in good shape or at least getting there.  It was April 2006 when I finally hit my goal of 185lbs…well, I was at 190, which was close enough for me.  Today…234…and that’s capital numbers in case you’re wondering.  It’s what happens when you quit working out but don’t stop eating.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading/research on diets and weight loss and have come to a very simple conclusion…no one knows what the hell they’re talking about.  On Yahoo, one article said “don’t eat potatoes and bread” and then a link to another article said, “It’s ok to eat potatoes and bread”.  No wonder people are so freaking confused.  The other thing I’ve noticed is that most diets (South Beach, Atkins, Fit for Life) tell you to eat foods that, quite honestly, I don’t like.  Why would I want to diet by eating foods I don’t like?  Can’t stand Splenda (can taste it in most foods), hate nuts, not fond of squash, cauliflower, and quite a few other things.  Anyway, my point is that most of these diets don’t work because I don’t like what I’m supposed to eat.

What I’ve decided to do is pretty simple.  I’m going to find foods I do like and eat those.  I’ll supplement them with other “good foods” while cutting out things like sweetened iced tea, soft drinks, and coffee (sugar in my coffee is a must).  I’m also going to concentrate on portion control.  I honestly think this is the key for me to lose weight.

It’s weird…I seem to have this mental thing about a) leaving food on my plate and b) thinking I’m going to be hungry.  I know where the first one comes from (my grandmother) but not sure about the second.  I’ve never had to go to bed hungry and have always had the ability to buy food if I wanted it (thank God) so I honestly have no idea where it comes from.  The third mental thing is I will wake up and think, “I’m going to stuff my face at lunch”…and usually do.  Again, no idea where that thought comes from, but it’s something that I have to control.

I’m already trying the portion control…half a can of Campbell’s Chunky soup instead of the whole can, less deli meat on sandwiches, etc.  Now all I have to do is get rid of the fudge, chocolate covered pretzels, brownies, and cookies that people gave me over the holidays.  I plan on taking them to work tomorrow…let those people get fat instead of me. 🙂

The other part of my plan is exercise.  I belong to a gym, have a stationary trainer for “The Greatest Bike Never Ridden”, and friends who will ride with me or go to the gym with me.  It’s just a matter of me getting off my ass to do these things.  I know the more I do it, the easier it’ll get, but getting started is the hardest part for me…if you want an excuse for anything, let me know because I’ve got a million of them.  I am extremely lucky that I have close friends that want to exercise with me and I am going to take them up on their offers.

For right now, the goal is 190 lbs.  Once there, I’ll decided if I want to go lower because even at 190, I’m still considered “overweight”.  I’m going to post my progress so I can keep a log of what’s going on and also to let others know what I’m doing. I honestly think, Dear Reader, that if people stop trying to diet and, instead, change their eating habits, they’d be happier and better off in the end.  Now it’s time to put that theory to the test.