You want a what?!?

I’ve just been given the most insane, asinine, and ridiculous request that I’ve ever been given. A user at my company is asking for quotes on a 30″ flat-panel computer monitor. Yes, you read that right…a 30″ monitor. Thirty. Inch. The thing weighs over 25lbs!

But wait…it gets better. If the 30″ is too expensive (or too large) they’ve asked for quotes on two 22″ monitors. Two. Not one, but two. Did I mention he’s asking for two monitors? Of 22″ or more? Two.

I mean, we already have a one group with 24″ monitors…and there is absolutely no reason for them to have them…none. Not. One. They don’t do CAD/CAM work, or video editing, or anything that would require monitors of that size. The reason (excuse) for getting them was so they could view multiple windows at one time. The only thing I’ve ever seen them do is have a single email open that is 24″ wide.

The very idea of having a user with a 30″ monitor on their desk is just ludicrous. That’s bigger than the TV I have at home! Geez, people…and if it gets approved, I think my head might explode.

And just you wait…if one person gets it, you know the rest of the users are going to want one. We’ll have an entire company of nothing but 30″ monitors.

Idiots.

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You broke it, you fix it

I’ll admit it…I love to work on computers. I love to take them apart, put them back together, and figure out why they don’t work. Sometimes it gets under my skin, but for the most part, I love doing it.

What I don’t like, though, is folks in my company expecting me to work on their home PC’s. I’ve had several people tell me they were going to bring me their PC to work on…not ask, but tell. One of the guys in my group is working on the home PC for the AVP of my department. He brought it in and said it’s “not working” and that we should fix it. To say that pisses me off is a huge understatement. It’s like saying Donald is miffed at Rosie. Granted, I’m not the one working on it, but it’s the principal of the thing. I’ve got plenty of stuff to do without having to fix your home computer.

And please don’t get me started on PCs that are being given to retirees…that’s a whole ‘nother ball of wax. I can tell you, however, where several of them live since I’ve had to assist them with their computers.

Fan-tastic

Sometimes I don’t understand people. I’m on call this week and last night our payroll server went down. It’s a Citrix machine that is used by our state offices so I thought I’d do my best to get it up and running. To do that, I had to scavenge an internal fan from another machine. Now, I admit that I didn’t call the ‘owner’ of the machine to tell them what I was doing, but I felt that getting the production payroll server up and running was more important. Well, guess what? I was wrong.

What makes me mad is that I did what I had to do to get the server up and running. Granted, I didn’t tell the guy why his box was down and I simply forgot. I’m pissed at myself for not telling him because deep down I know I should have. On the other hand, a server that up until yesterday hosted a SINGLE training video does not qualify as production. I know that the guy is mad because he thinks his stuff isn’t important, and I hate to tell him, but it isn’t. If his server were down for a week, it would not cost this company a nickel in lost productivity. If the production payroll server were down (on the 15th of the month), then I’d have over 1500 people waiting to get paid.

To top if off, he puts in a Priority One help desk which essentially says he doesn’t know why he can’t get to the server…when we’ve already talked about it for most of the meeting. First thing I did was drop it to a Priority Two and put a note in it that explained the situation and also said something like, “since it isn’t a true production server, I felt that it was ok to take the fan”. He, of course, has to counter with “it is a true production server blah blah blah” and I didn’t feel like fighting him over it. I think the real reason he’s pissed that we took it down is that he has stuff on there from his side business and he can’t get to it. Too fuckin’ bad.

What pisses me off the most if that, in my opinion, they’re making a mountain out of a molehill. However, I can also see myself getting pissed if the same thing happened to me. But then again, I would have had something in place to notify me that my server had a problem. He didn’t…and now it’s my fault.

Speechless

This was forwarded to me by a friend. It’s part of an email that he received from a system administrator at a sister company. The sys admin was running out of space on one of his servers and couldn’t figure out why. This is one of his guesses:

There is a file on the root of C called pagefile.sys at 260mb created in March of 2005. I don’t know what this file is. I tried to open it in Notepad, but I get an error saying the file is being used by another process. I cleaned out the recycle bin which did free up some space.

For the non-techies out there, pagefile.sys is a system file used by Windows. It’s been around since Windows 95. It is inconceivable that this person didn’t know the purpose of the file. Imagine your doctor not knowing where your heart is; your dentist asking what those hard, sharp, white thingys are in your mouth; your mechanic looking in the trunk for your engine (VW owners excluded).

Yeah, this might not seem such a big deal to you, but just wait until your proctologist tries to stick his finger in your mouth. Believe me, you’ll know how I feel right now.

GRRR!!

I am fixin’ to choke the ever-livin’ shit outta some people. I have 4 users who are trying to connect to our office via VPN. Each one has a different kind of internet connection and each one is having different issues. And each one is crawling my ass to get them fixed. Fine. You want them fixed? I’ll fix ’em.

Effective immediately, we will no longer support users attempting to access our VPN via a home wireless network. How the fuck do you like them apples, huh?

Effective immediately, we will no longer support users attempting to access our VPN who use the built-in Windows VPN dialer. You want in? You use our Cisco VPN software. You got more complaints? Bring ’em on! BRING! ‘EM! ON!

Effective immediately, if you access our VPN via a home wireless network, you better have WEP security enabled or I’m going to stomp a mudhole in your ass and walk it DRY!

Well, I must say I feel better. Nothing like solving problems by eliminating them all together.

Y’all have a nice day.