A menagerie of Motherfuc*ers

IM conversation today:

Co-worker: I absolutely hate that motherfuc*er!

Me: Which motherfuc*er?    We have several to chose from.

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A goodie bag from the doctor

Went for my annual physical today…if every four years is considered annual.  I’m lucky in that I don’t get sick often.  An occasional sinus infection or a cold, but that’s it.

When I left today, I had a nice little bag of blood pressure meds and an appointment one month from now to check it again.  Sigh…I get my cholesterol numbers tomorrow.  Anyone want to take a bet on the outcome?  The over/under is 50 point.

Dude…It is SPAM.

I sometimes question the intelligence of people in the business world.  Well, not sometimes, but most of the time.  And, to be honest, it’s not their intelligence or business acumen, but it’s their technical knowledge that I call into question.  Or lack of technical knowledge.

In my company, we use a spam filtering system to make sure our users are shielded from most of the crap that comes in via email.  The problem is that occasionally the spam filter catches a good email, and when I say occasionally, I mean one to two pieces of “ham” (good email) to thousands of pieces of spam.  And I mean that literally.  The system is not 100% foolproof and probably never will be, but it’s a damn side better than getting 900 penis emails a day…unless you’re partial to that sort of thing.

So…today we get an email from an individual in one of our offices that basically says they think they’re missing email, but they can’t be sure because they’ve never not gotten an email they missed.  Yeah, go back and read that again…it’ll come to you…I’ll wait.  In essence, they’re complaining about the possibility of not getting email.  They have no proof that they’re not getting email, but they’re sure that something is wrong because they expect to get email blocked and it isn’t being blocked.  They’ve even insinuated that they have no confidence in the system because it’s not blocking this non-existent email.   Because of this, we have to figure out a way to open up the system to allow a handful of users to get all email, whether it’s spam or ham or penises or Nigerians or gIrLS THaT lOvE YoU lONg TiME.

I mean, honestly, how stupid is this?  These are the same people who’ll click on a link in an email and infect the entire company with a virus, then claim we should have blocked the virus better.

It’s people like this that make me wish I cut grass for a living.

In Dreams

I had a dream the other night where I met the woman of my, uh, dreams.  It wasn’t one of those dreams, but it was interesting on several levels.  First, I’m pretty sure I don’t know her, but in truth, I can’t say because I don’t remember her face.  This is surprising to me because I’ll be the first to admit it…I’m shallow.  It’s usually “what does she look like” followed by “what is her personality like”.  I’m a guy…it’s how we function.  But in this case, I honestly can’t tell you what she looked like except she had blonde hair.  Not unusual for me, but I’ve not dated many blondes…truth be told I’ve not dated many women, but of those very few have been blonde. The thing I remember the most is this…she made me laugh.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know this was just a dream, but that’s the thing that I remember most.  She made me laugh.

Yes I realize that talking or writing about this is weird. It was a dream, an unconscious free for all in my brain, but it was also different.  It stood out not because of what it was, but because of what it wasn’t.  I don’t even think I’m explaining all this correctly, but you gotta believe me when I say it was different.  Maybe it was just my brain trying to get me to readjust from the “what does she look like” mentality.  Maybe it was me telling myself to lighten up.  Maybe it was God showing me who he has picked out for me.  Or maybe it was just a dream.  Whatever it was, I know one thing…I liked waking up with a smile.