Special Orders Don’t Upset Us

I’m in Home Depot with the spouse. She wants to buy a new fridge and asks if I would help. Sure, why not? I’m a nice guy.

As we’re looking around, I notice “Depot Direct” on a few models. Since I’m not sure what that means, I ask. The sales guy explains that these items are available, just not in stock. If you want it, Home Depot has it delivered right to your home. These items are never in stock. Keep that in mind. Home Depot does not stock them. Ever. As I wander, I notice that most of the fridges are listed as “Depot Direct”, which, for those of you that missed it, means that Home Depot does not stock them. They sell them, but do not stock them . Got it? Let’s continue.

The spouse finds the one she wants; side by side, filtered ice and water in the door, lots of shelves, and white. The price on the quote comes up $70 cheaper. Score! The guy double checks the make/model again and same price both times. Double Score! The spouse then decides to finance the balance using a HD credit card. She fills out the paper work, gets approved, and gets 12 months same as cash. Triple Score!

The woman at the credit approval desk then starts to explain how this works. Since we’ve done this many times, neither of us pays much attention. I happen to hear the words “special order” and “restocking fee” and decide it’s time to pay attention.

Me: “Uh, can you repeat that part please?”

HD: “Sure. Which part?”

Me: “The part about the restocking fee and special order.”

HD: “Oh, ok. Since this is a special order, we charge 15% if you decide to return the item after the first three days.”

Me: “It’s not a special order. You don’t carry these in stock.”

HD: “Right. That’s why it’s a special order.”

Me: “Wait. You never carry these in stock, right?

HD: “Yes.”

Me: “You sell them all the time, but don’t carry them in stock?”

HD: “Yes.”

Me: “Ok. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t a special order something that’s out of the ordinary? You know, something that you don’t normally sell. Isn’t that what makes it special?”

HD: “Yes, you’re right. If it’s something we don’t carry, then it’s a special order.”

Me: “But you carry these all the time. The sales guy told us ‘we sell lots of these’, which would make it not special.”

HD: “That’s right. These are very popular. We sell quite a bit of them.”

Me: “Then why is it a special order?”

HD: “Because we don’t have that one in stock.”

Me: “OK. What color do you have in stock?”

HD: “None. We don’t keep these in stock.”

Me: “You sell them, but don’t keep them in stock?”

HD: “Yes.”

Me: “So, you have this same exact model in a local warehouse, just not in the store?”

HD: “Yes. We can get it to you in a few days, depending on how busy the delivery guys are.”

Me: “So you don’t have to order this just for me?”

HD: “No.”

Me: “Then why would you charge me a 15% restocking fee if you sell these all the time, keep it locally in a warehouse, and have none that I can take home right now?”

HD: “Because it’s a special order.”

Sigh. I gave up at that point because it was late and she didn’t see the irony in it. It’s no fun making fun of people if they don’t know they’re being made fun of. Needless to say, if the spouse doesn’t like it after three days, it’ll cost her 15%. Because, say it with me people, it’s a special order.

Welcome to my nightmare

I’m in Texas at a disaster recovery exercise. So far, the only exercise I’ve had is pulling my thumb outta my ass. We’ve had a priority one problem since yesterday morning and “the powers that be” can’t make an f*in decision on what to do. The other techs and I can fix the problem, but of course, the people who have never touched the g-d product are the ones telling us how to fix it.

The only good thing is that the other team members and I get along so well that we’re having fun in spite of the managerial f*ups around us. Wish me luck.

PS – I had a panic attack in the shower yesterday. I realized I forgot my new Aveda face wash. I had to wash with….soap. Eeeeeyeeew! 🙂

Later gators.

Work Tip # 15

Do not start giggling uncontrollably during the final Disaster Recovery Conference Call when someone keeps asking “where’s Dick?’. If you do, please get up and leave the conference room before losing it altogether.

Old School

So I walked into a local restaurant yesterday right as their computers went down.

The whole place just stopped, literally. The manager kept going from machine to machine, hoping and praying it would come back up. I could see the desperation in her eyes because, unlike the rest of us, she knew what was coming.

The cashiers couldn’t figure out what to do. They just sort of looked at each other like, “Hey, think we can leave early?”. Luckily, the manager was old school like me and had been around before the advent of computers. She casually gathered the group together and said, very slowly, “Write. the. orders. on. a. piece. of. paper.” I saw several kids cock their heads like dogs do when you say something they doesn’t understand. The brighter ones, however, picked it up right away.

“Like, yeah, we could, like, you know, write stuff down like they did in the old days and like, then, you know, we could, like, um, give it to the cooks and stuff.” Bingo. Step One completed.

The manager smiled to herself. She had circumvented the computers and was able to get orders to the kitchen. Now all she had to do was sit back and wait for the computers to come online.

Oh how wrong she was. You see, friends, the manager took for granted that her employees could figure out the next step on their own. She assumed (and we all know what happens when you do that) that her employees knew basic arithmetic. Foolish, foolish manager.

The two people in front of me already had receipts printed out. They also paid by check. Easy as pie. I, however, put a monkey wrench into the system. First, I added something to my order and second; I had cash.

When I asked the girl how much it cost, she frowned. She asked the Assistant Manager. He said $6.75. She smiled. I asked if that was with tax. She frowned. He said, yes. She smiled. I said I’d like a piece of carrot cake, too. She frowned. The Assistant Manager (smart guy, really) preempted the next question by saying, $3.50, tax included. She smiled, then went to get the cake.

She came back. She frowned, looking around like she’d lost her parents. I said, “what are you looking for?” She said, “paper.” I said, “It’s $3.50 and $6.75, right?” She paused, scratched her head, and said, “uh, huh”. I said, “That’s $10.25”. You ever see the look little kids get when they’re shown a magic trick? That’s the same look she gave me. I handed her a $20. She quickly lost that look.

I said, “What now?” She said, “I need paper.” I said “Why?” She said, “So I can figure up your change.” I said, “It’s $9.75.” She gave me the magic-trick look again. I said, “The 75 cents makes 11 dollars, then you give me 9 more dollars to equal 20.” She said, “If you say so.”

I heard the guy behind me snicker. When I turned around, I saw he was old school too.

Caption Contest

Thought y’all would enjoy this. It was taken outside the office yesterday. I also thought you, Dear Reader, could put a nice caption to it. Have fun.

DR tests

I’ll be out of the office next week participating in our yearly disaster recovery test. This is my first time and I’m sorta looking forward to it. It’s been a while since I’ve had any type of intellectual challenge. Well, there was that time Sunday when my porn quit downloading, but that’s just not the same. And yes, I did figure out why. Whew…

This is a semi-rant about work.

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