Ignorant People Piss Me Off

I was scanning through tweets a few minutes ago and came across one that seriously pissed me off.  Actually, Dear Reader, pissed me off is an understatement.  It made me angry.  It made me want to fire off an expletive laden response because of the sheer, unadulterated fuckishness of the tweet.  It made me want to grab this person and scream, “That’s what you have a problem with?!!?? Prayer??”  I know some tweets are designed to get people pissed off, I understand that, but I think this person was serious, and that is what made me angry.

The tweet refers to the Penn State and Nebraska players praying before and after their game today.  The “journalist” said the following:

“Anyone else have a problem with Nebraska and Penn State players openly praying before and after the game…at a public university?”

I say “journalist” in quotes because there are no longer any true journalists.  If you don’t believe me, go here and read the section entitled “The Elements of Journalism”.  Feel free to share with me any people whom you believe to be journalists and that follow these principles.

What makes me angry about the tweet is that of all the things that have been discovered at Penn State in the last week, this is the thing she has a problem with?  This is the thing that makes her go, “Hmm…something isn’t right here. I must take to Twitter and tweet about it”.  This is the thing that makes her tweet one of the dumbest things I’ve had the misfortune to read on Twitter?  How in the hell does this person think that the worst thing that’s happened is a bunch of players kneeling on the ground praying at a public university? She doesn’t think failure to call the cops is bad?  She doesn’t think that the president of PSU covering it up is bad?  Oh wait, I get it now…she doesn’t think.

The thing that confuses me is why she said it.  Did she say it to start a discussion about prayer in school?  Did she say it to bring attention to herself in the hopes that hoards of Twitterers would begin following her?  Did she say it because she’s ignorant?  I’m honestly curious. What was it about two football programs kneeling in prayer that got her upset? Does she not believe in prayer? Does she think the players were coerced into doing it? Does it offend her journalistic integrity that kids who might not pray normally knelt down anyway?  What, I ask you, is so wrong with what the players did?

Kids were raped.  Let me type that slower in case Miss How Dare They Pray decides to read this…Kids.  Were.  Raped.  Does that help you out? Does that put things into perspective for you?  I don’t see anything on your timeline about your feelings on the KIDS BEING RAPED. Oh wait…my bad.  I’m sorry.  It seems she does have something to say about the kids that were raped.  She says, “46 years of football means absolutely nothing.  Little boys were raped.” Right, right, now I get it.  Her indignation extends to rioting by the PSU student body because football means nothing.  So, if I understand correctly, rioting because of a fired coach is bad.  Praying, however, is also bad, but not because it was prayer, but because it was prayer at a public university.  Hmm.

And the ironic part of this, Dear Reader?  The thing that really makes me question this person’s intelligence? She has the audacity to call out a former football coach because of a comment he made concerning Joe Paterno.  Her tweet regarding his comment?  “Way to lose focus on the real victims”.  Yep, you read that right…Way to lose focus on the real victims.  How dare Coach Zook lose focus on the real victims?  How dare Coach Zook say something nice about JoePa and lose focus on the real victims?  C’mon man. How in the hell can she make a statement like that when she’s done the exact same thing?  She lost focus on the victims just like Zook, but apparently that’s ok.  Idiot.

With all of the crap going on at Penn State, the one thing this person finds a problem with is two teams praying together at a public university.  It’s sad, Dear Reader, because the one thing we don’t want to do is lose focus on the real victims.

The Crying Frat Boy

If you happened to watch the LSU/Alabama game until the end, you might have seen what has become known as “The Crying Frat Boy”.  If you didn’t get a chance to see this, I’ve posted the picture below:

As you can see, the young man is clearly distraught because his team is about to lose.  His girlfriend appears to be consoling him…or berating him…or wondering when the baseball game will be over.  I understand where he’s coming from and could even sympathize with him a little, but since my team won I get to gloat and post stuff like this.

A friend posted this pic on Facebook and commented that she’d love to have heard their conversation.  Now I’ll be the first to admit, Dear Reader, that I do not consider myself a writer and never have, but every once in a while I get an idea of what it must feel like to be one.  Why?  Well, about 2 seconds after reading that she wanted to hear their conversation, I knew what the frat boy sounded like, I knew what his girlfriend sounded like, and I pretty much knew the ending…all I had to do at that point was listen for the rest…

Baby, the games’ pretty much over, maybe we should go now to avoid…wait…are you crying? 

<sniff> Doh, I’b dot cryig.

Holy shit…you are, you’re really crying.  Why are you crying, it’s just a stupid game!

SHUD UB!  Id’z nod jus a stoopid game!  This wud our shod ad duh Nadinal Chabioshib gabe!  I hobe our kigger dies!!   FUGGU KIGGER!!  YOU PEAS UV SHID!!

Baby, seriously, calm down.  It’s only one loss.  The kicker missed some field goals that were over 50 yds.  He’s not even come close to that all year and you expect him to do it now?

YED!  Id’s why he geds paid.  He geds paid to gik da ball…ad he gan’t…<sniff>…uuuuuhhhhhhhh…..DIZ SUGGS!

Ohshitohshitohshit, we were just on TV.  Baby, you were just seen by millions of people crying on TV.  This is not going to be….RING….Hello?  Oh.  Hi Daddy.  Yeah, that was him.  What?  I can’t hear…oh.  Yes sir, he was crying.

I’B DOT CRYIG DABBIT!!  QUID SAYIG I’B CRYIG!!

Daddy, what did you just say??!?  You want to know about my pus…Ooooooh!  You want to know why he’s being such a pussy??  Thought he was going to the National Championship, I guess.

We were goig udtil dat azzhole duh kigger fugged id all up.  FUG YOU KIGGERRRRR!!

I’ll be ok Daddy, I promise.  I was going to break up with him anyway because of his, uh….his problem.

BY PROBLEB?  YOU DOLD YOUR DAD ABOUD BY PROBLEB?  ID WUZ DA ALGOHOL!! I HAB DO Buch algohooooollll….<wails hysterically>

Love you to, Daddy.  Bye.

Training with Harry Potter

Since I’m going to be running, I bought some running shoes.  Ended up with a pair of ASICS GEL-Nimbus 13 shoes.  Being a dork by trade, my first thought was, “Dude!  It’s a Nimbus, just like in Harry Potter!”.   And I wonder why I’m still single.

My goal is @WarriorDash

A wise person once told me that the best way to accomplish something is to have a goal.  If you’re not goal oriented, this advice sucks. I think my response was, “my goal is to have a goal”.  Wasn’t really what they had in mind.  I’m just not goal oriented and never have been.  My brother is goal oriented.  He once told me he had several goals, married by 30, kids by 35…blahblahblah. There were others but I quit listening.  If you’re not goal oriented, hearing others talk about their goals is boring.

For me, goal setting is hard.  I get too caught up in the minutia of it.  Small or large goal?  One goal or multiple goals?  Are the goals measurable?  What happens when I hit that goal?  See what I mean?  Some examples; Taking guitar lessons, the teacher asked me what songs I wanted to play…f**k if I knew.  I just wanted to play guitar.  When working out, my trainer asked what goal I had in mind…getting buff and getting laid came to mind, but that’s probably not what she meant.  My financial guy asked me what my retirement goal was.  He just stared when I said, “to not die while living in a cardboard box”.  Sounded like a decent goal to me.

As I’ve tried to lose weight through the years, people have always told me to set a goal.  When I say “like what?”, a lot of them say, “you can run a 5K, or a half marathon, or even a full marathon!” and my response to them is simple…”why?”.  I’m not a runner and never have been.  Never saw the point to it.  People say running is awesome, but I’ve never seen a runner smile while running.  Never.  A grimace, yes; a smile, no.  For three years, I was an escort rider for the MS Blues Marathon and each time I guided the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place males.  None of them smiled.  Ever.  I’ve seen them run right next to traffic, I’ve seen them run in frigid temperatures, and I’ve even seen one guy throw up and run at the same time, but I’ve never seen one smile while running.  One time I took pictures of some friends running in their first 5K.  Not a smile in the entire group.  You can see why I thought running was like the dumbest idea ever…until yesterday, that is.  Yesterday, I saw people laughing, smiling, wearing bunny ears, and fuzzy viking helmets while they were running.  Yesterday, I saw my goal.  Yesterday, I saw Warrior Dash.

You see, Dear Reader, for the last two months I’ve been going to what I affectionately call “The Fat Doctor”.  The reason for going is simple, I’ve gotten too fat.  When I stepped on the scale at the doctor’s office I had topped out at 242, which is the heaviest I’ve ever been.  If you’re familiar with the Gabriel Iglesias weight scale, I’m somewhere between husky and fluffy.

After two months, I’m down 13 lbs and the Doc just cut the dosage for my blood pressure meds in half.  The weight loss is through a combination of medication (Phentermine) and changes to both what I eat and how much. I want to be at 190 or 195 in 6 months…(dude, I made a goal!) The problem is I still wasn’t motivated to exercise until I saw Warrior Dash.  Sure you’re running a 5k, but it’s not just running to get from point A to point B.  You’re running from the mud pit strung with barbed wire, then uphill to the rope climb, and then to the tire patch or the river crossing or whatever they put in front of you.  And then, just when you’re about to reach the finish, you get to jump over a fire.  Did you hear what I wrote?  You get to jump over fire!  On purpose!  With people yelling at you to JUMP OVER THE FIRE!  Whenever I think about it, my inner Beavis screams “Fiyuuure!” and we both giggle with excitement.  And not only am I doing it, but about 8 or 10 guys from work are doing it too, including my Manager and our Senior VP.  I didn’t think it was possible but I’m actually psyched to run.

I’m going to record the next 5 months worth of training on here so you can keep track of how it’s going…you know, if you’re interested.

Oh…one more thing.  If the Warrior Dash folks happen to stumble upon this post (and I hope they do), I’ll make y’all a deal.  If you promise to keep me motivated until the Mississippi event, I promise not to throw up all over your mud.  Deal?

Work Tip #4

When 3 months into a new job and in a meeting with a vendor and your entire team, do not say, “I need this training so I can get a new job” when you mean “I need this training so I can get a promotion”.

Dating advice from 3LD

As I was perusing match.com this morning, I stumbled across a profile that got me to thinking, “Women really don’t understand us”.  Now I’m sure that’s the cliche of all cliches, but I think it’s 100% true, so I thought I’d put this together to see if I could help out.  You can thank me later.

First and foremost, guys want to get laid.  Let me say that again for clarity, “Guys want to get laid”.  Ladies, go back and read those two sentences a few times, say them out loud, and then come back.  I’ll wait.

Good, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let me share something else with you…Guys want to get laid.  Sounds familiar, right?  That’s because, say it with me, “Guys want to get laid”.  It’s a fact of life and there’s nothing we can do about it.  You can blame God, Darwin, nature, nurture, random molecules banging together, small brains, or, as Robin Williams put it, “the fact that we have two heads, but only enough blood to power one at a time”.  Doesn’t matter which theory you subscribe to, the fact remains, “guys want to get laid”.

Now, that being said, it doesn’t mean that we expect sex on the first date, or the second, or maybe even the third.  But, after the third date, that is going to definitely be floating around in our head.  Rest assured it was there on the first and second, but most of us are realistic.  This brings me to my first bit of advice concerning pictures.  Ladies, if you don’t want to hear from guys wanting to hook up, knock boots, or married guys, then go easy on the tit pics.  Twenty-five pictures of you showing your cleavage are going to give guys certain ideas.  My fav are the “hold the cell camera from above, smile, and flash the boobs” pics.  To a guy, this means “she wants to have sex with me now and is showing me her cans to prove it”.  And yes, these guys use the word “cans”.  Second, bikini pics are nice, most of us appreciate them, but again, go easy on them.  Too many bikini pics says, “hey, she wants to get laid on the beach”.  Although I can’t comment directly on the ‘sand in the vajayjay’ issue, I have been told it hurts.  If you want a sore, sandy vajayjay, then by all means post more bikini pics.

Next is verbiage, or for those that don’t know that word, it means, “do not write shit about us having a tool and knowing how to use it”.  Yes, that was in one of the profiles I read.  It started out very nicely, telling about her being a nurse, and loving her family, and God, and blahblahblah, and the last sentence said, “Must have the proper equipment and know how to use it”.  Anyone care to guess what kind of responses she got?  If you write a profile that talks about how great you are, how great your kids are, how much you go to church, love to rescue animals, etc, if you end with something like that, the pervs are going to wet themselves when they read it. And they’re going to respond en masse…think of ‘en masse’ as you would ‘buttload’.  They’re interchangeable.

So, at this point I’ve shared three things…guys want to get laid, tit pics means you’re easy and want to get laid to, and saying the words ‘tool’ and ‘knows how to use it’ in the same sentence means you’re easy and you want to get laid.  In our next installment, I’ll share with you what I look for in a profile.

Wise words

Cleaning up my ‘office’ and found a letter my Bub (grandmother) wrote to me the summer of 1984.  I was working as a camp counselor and wasn’t really enjoying it.  This was also the summer before I went away to college.  Sage advice from a very sharp lady that I still think about several times a week.

“Do make the best of everything from now on because that’s how life is.  We don’t always do the things we want to.” 

As an 18 year old at the time, I’m sure I glossed over it and went to do whatever was next on the list for that day.  As a 45 year old, I find myself trying to share the same idea with several 18 year olds I know.  Problem is, they’re just interested in whatever’s next on the list…

Internet dating

I learned something this week that I knew, but never really thought much about…apparently guys suck.  A lot of you who’ve read my blog for a while…heh, who am I kidding, there’s probably no one here but me…anyway…what I was going to say was those of you who read this know I’ve been on internet dating sites for a while, some say too long.  The reason I’m on there is because I’m actually shy…no, really, I am.  In a one-on-one situation, I tend to suck, but give me a microphone and I can stand up in front of 300+ people and do quite well.  Sorry, I’m drifting.  What I’m trying to get to is I’ve discovered that the guys on dating sites, especially Match.com, seem to have the following ideas; 1) sending dick pics is cool and expected, 2) if a woman meets you for a drink, she automatically wants to hop on your face, 3) all women on Match are there just to get laid, and 4) well…I don’t really have a 4, but after the first 3, I think you get my point.

My good friend Red sent me a couple of posts from a friend of hers and both had to do with internet dating.  On both occasions the end of the date required her to perform for the guy, either by making out with him or going down on him.  Required might be too strong a word…maybe ‘expected’ is better, but you get the point.  When neither of these happened, it was her fault.  The reason this irritates me is that now the next guy she meets will have to work twice as hard to prove that he’s really a nice guy…provided, of course, that he is and isn’t just looking to play stink finger.

Why does this bother me, you ask?  Well…two reasons…1) I was sort of like those guys in the beginning and 2) I’m now the guy that has to overcome those guys.  I’ll explain.  When I first started this, I was the touchy-feely first date guy.  I didn’t know I was this guy, never had any intention of being this guy, it just happened.  Thinking back on it, I wouldn’t have gone out with me a second time either.  I never did anything inappropriate, but I was way, WAY overboard on the feely part and I’m sure it made people uncomfortable.

I think part of the reason this guy surfaced in me is because of the inherent nature of internet dating.  With email, IM, text messaging, cell phones, we learn a whole lot more in such a short amount of time that we assume we know the person on the other end when, in fact, we don’t really know a lot.  This presumed familiarity, though, is just that.  Think about it…if you’re in a crabby mood, you read texts and IM’s in that same mood.  Good mood?  Read them in a good mood.  And if you happen to be horny…well, all bets are off then.  The point I’m trying to make…and using way too many words to make it…is that even after all this communication, you still don’t know the person you’re talking with and to presume that you do is foolish.  Again, I’m saying this from personal experience and your mileage may vary.

Now having said all that, I’ll say this.  I’m now the guy who has to overcome those other guys…or will be that guy, should a date magically appear.  It’s not that big a deal because I like being this guy a whole lot more.  I’m conscious of the feelings I’ve had in the past and can actively control them.  Geez…reading this makes me sound like I’m a serial killer trying to repress the dog voice that keeps telling me to kill (bonus points if you know the reference).

Funny thing is, Dear Reader, I’m still not sure I want to date someone should the opportunity present itself.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to chop things down with my chainsaw…<insert Dr Evil laugh here>.

It’s been a while

Took me a minute to log in because I forgot the damn password.  That’s how long it’s been since I’ve been on here.  As I told a good friend, posts are still writing themselves in my head, I just never get them on here.  Turns out twitter is quicker, although it doesn’t always express everything I feel.  Plus, I’ve kinda missed writing.

Funny thing happened recently…my confidence came back.  Don’t know where it went or why it left, but it was sure as shit gone.  I think that’s why I had so much trouble the first few months at the new job.  Not only was I afraid to make a mistake, but I also didn’t trust my instincts…and instinct is what made me good at what I did.  A lot if times I didn’t really know what the problem was, but my instincts led me in a certain direction.  A lot of times it was wrong, but for the most part, it was usually dead on.  I think the assclown that I worked for at my old job is a big part of it.  It got to the point where it didn’t matter how or what we did, it was wrong.  And the sad fact is that is wasn’t wrong, he just wasn’t smart enough to see beyond his own paranoia.  All managers in IT, and I mean A L L, know something is going to die, it’s the nature of the environment.  And the good ones know how to handle it…and he wasn’t and still isn’t one of the good ones.

I knew the confidence had come back when shite would hit the fan and I didn’t panic.  At first I thought it was the meds, but then I realized that I now had answers to the problems, where in the past months, all I had was a blank whiteboard in my head.  What I mean is that I have to be able to visualize in my head what you’re talking about.  If I can’t, then I’m lost.  I distinctly remember a meeting at work when this occurred to me…we were talking about alternatives and I remember picturing nothing but white space in my head, because I couldn’t visualize the environment…and if couldn’t visualize it, I couldn’t talk about it.  That moment was an epiphany of sorts.  It made me understand that until I learned the environment, I wasn’t going to be able to do what they were paying me to do.  Long story short, the last time something died, I had a whiteboard full of stuff in my head for reference and I was able to sort it out.

The good news is that I’m not freaked every time something breaks and if it does, I have a handle on how to fix it.  The bad news is that stuff is still breaking. 🙂

A rough start

It’s been a rough two weeks at my new job.  I went from a windows environment that I’ve been familiar with for 11 years to a Linux system that I know nothing about.  Even getting my laptop up and running has been a giant frustration and it’s causing me to think I’ve made a mistake.  Yeah, I know it’s only been two weeks, but I miss the people I worked with, the fact that I knew the environment cold, and the fact that I knew who to talk to if I had questions.

The worst part is I’ve been giving myself anxiety attacks because I keep envisioning all the things that could go wrong or thinking of all the stuff I don’t know.  The only person putting pressure on me is me…and instead of thinking about how I can solve my current problems, I keep coming up with scenarios to go back.  I know it’s the familiarity and comfort I feel there that’s making me want to return, but I can’t help it.  This shit is all I think about these days.  Even went to the doc yesterday for some anxiety medication.

Last night, I had weird dreams about folders that contained no data and I think the night before I dreamed that back ups weren’t working.  I’m in charge of the backup system, which I did at my old job for a while, but this environment is huge.  And it’s apparently assed up pretty badly.  The former admin left and one of the guys who took over for him has been helping me, but even as I type this, the thought of the tasks before me are giving me that feeling in my stomach that means, “STRESS!”.

Honestly, Dear Reader, I’m just fucking lost and don’t know how to get un-lost.  I think I’ve been kidding myself that I could handle this change because I honestly don’t know if I can…and that causes even more anxiety.  Friends have been telling me “relax, it’s only been two weeks”, “you’ll get it, hang in there”, “you’ve just gotten your confidence shaken”, but that doesn’t make me feel any better.  This is one of those situations where I just want to hide under the covers and have it all go away.

The bottom line, Dear Reader, is I don’t know what to do and I’m just freaked out about the whole thing.  The company I now work for does a lot of advertising and whenever I see the ads, I get panicked.  I know I’m letting this shit run my life, but again, I don’t know what else to do.  Hell, I’ve even thought of calling my old Senior VP and asking for my job back.

I’m hoping the anti-anxiety meds take the edge off for a few day so I can concentrate on the job and get it going, but if they don’t, I’m stuck…and I don’t know what to do about it.